8/25/2013 2 Comments Dreams? Part 2
We get so many supportive comments from people on our blog, from people who are hoping to begin a sailing adventure, from people who have been cruising for some time and have found in us some like-minded friends, from people who would like to sail and read our blog looking for answers to their questions. The thing I have always sought to be on the blog is real – I write about the reality of our life, no fancy-dress, just how it is.
We received a rather critical comment recently, and following it I posted a blog entitled ‘Dreams?’. Following that I was surprised to open my email this morning to find the following rather unpleasant message from a blog reader who wished to communicate with me privately.
HI SUE PRESENTLY MOTORING BETWEEN XXXXX AND XXXXX - 4AM -BEAUTIFUL NIGHT HAVE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT YOUR RESPONSE TO MY QUERY AND WHETHER I SHOULD RESPOND TO YOUR BLOG OR JUST FORGET THE WHOLE THING SO I GUESS THAT I AM ABOUT TO BE LISTED AS AN "ABUSIVE MALE" BECAUSE I FEEL THAT WHAT YOU WROTE WAS JUST A CROCK OF SHIT.
NOW BEFORE YOU DELETE THIS OR RING YOUR SOLICITOR REFLECT ON THIS WORSE THAN ABUSE IS INDIFFERENCE AND YOU SURE CAN'T ACCUSE ME OF THAT I AM CONCERNED FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVING BEEN THROUGH LIVING ABOARD FOR MANY YEARS MYSELF -- ON OUR FIRST ADVENTURE TO PNG BOTH OUR KIDS WERE IN NAPPIES SO I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT - 40 YEARS LATER I HAVE LEARNED A LOT AND AM STILL BEING HUMBLED BY THE SEA AND IT'S ABILITY TO MAKE YOU FACE REALITY. IT'S NO USE SHIFTING THE GOALPOSTS OR HIDING BEHIND A SMOKESCREEN OF PSYCHOBABBLE. SURE'YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES- WE ALL DO- BUT READ BACK SOME OF YOUR EARLIER BLOGS WHEN YOU WERE SO FULL OF ENTHUSIASM -IT TOOK ME BACK 40 YEARS - THEN STEP BACK AND DO AN HONEST ASSESSMENT IF YOU RECKON QUALITY OF LIFE IS STAYING IN WHAT IS PROBABLY THE CRAPPIEST MARINA ON THE EAST COAST [NO REFLECTION ON THE MANAGER WHO IS DOING HIS BEST] OR THAT YOU CAN PUT OFF SLIPPING ARGUS FOREVER YOU ARE AWAY WITH THE FAIRIES. I'LL CONTINUE TO FOLLOW YOUR BLOG IN THE HOPE OF SEEING SOMETHING MORE UPLIFTING THAN "STEPS" AND "LAUNDRY"
BETTER GO ON DECK - A BIT OF BREEZE GOOD LUCK
PS- AND REMEMBER I DO CARE!
I was, as I said a little surprised and yes, a little sad too to think that people would read my blog so critically, and with so little grasp of our intentions and plans! I have chosen to post the email (minus the author’s name and any identifying details) here because I believe in transparency and because I believe the email was sent privately with cowardice and I won’t play that nasty game.
The following is my reply, which I post here to clarify to any other readers who may think like the ablove letter writer that we have abandoned our dream!
Hi again XXXXX,
Well I must say it was quite a shock to read your email this morning and I feel that you are more than a little confused about our life!
Before I respond to any of your comments I must just say that what perplexes me the most is why you felt it necessary to continue to read the blog thinking we are liars or deluded! I would think it’s your choice what you read and if you don't like my blog, don't read it!
The thing is, we are not 'living' in the Batemans Bay marina! Far from it! We are eagerly awaiting our departure, which should be in November.....at which time our first task is to slip Argos at the Ulladulla slipway (as BB can't take her weight). We came into the Bay intending to stay a little while. We reconnected with a family soon after we arrived that I had known in the past, who were trying to retire here to the coast, hoping to build themselves a new house here. The fellow wasn't well and a few weeks after we arrived here, he was diagnosed with MS (primary progressive). He was no longer able to build his house - and didn't know what to do. Peter stepped in and offered for us to stay and build them the house. That was a big decision and meant we had to delay our own plans but you know what, we have no regrets. We have been a blessing to this family and we are so glad we were all willing to put our own plans on hold for them.
When we began cruising we had romantic ideas about how we would set off and sail for months and months.....the reality for most of us long term live-aboard cruisers is that we spend time in marinas, we stop to work, we return to our former homes because our children have babies or 21'sts or weddings.....but this doesn't mean we have abandoned our dreams! Far from it - this is what gives our dreams longevity!
I make no apologies for writing about what makes our life work....you are offended by me writing about stairs and washing, but these are the nuts and bolts of our life right at this moment - and I have always written honestly. All I can say to you, is if you don't want to read the honest details of a long-term life of cruising, including the practicalities of life on board with kids and all manner of mundane responsibilities, then don't waste your time at watt sailing!
In the interests of transparency I will be including your email in a blog post, name and identifying details removed of course, along with my response.
You sign off saying, I do care.....but not quite sure what you care about!
regards, Sue
Oh, and the photo above is of Peter on his recent intrepid trek across from Albany to Auckland - a 40 days and 40 nights saga yet to be fully written about!
2 Comments
8/8/2013 3 Comments Dreams? We were asked recently, in a comment here, what had happened to our dream. It made me stop and think for a minute..….and wonder what was even behind the question.
It happened recently too when we caught up with some family and friends and people asked us how come we were still in Batemans Bay and if we weren’t tired of the place by now. I wondered if they were tired of their house, and jobs and lives! I wondered but didn’t ask! When people do ask these kinds of things I feel like we are supposed to defend ourselves or admit that we are guilty of something but I’m never really sure of what! I feel as if they think we’ve failed in some sort of way – as if we’ve let the team down. Sometimes I think it’s is that in very real sense we have failed these people – we’ve failed in the task of proving to them that its possible….that people actually can go off and do something. Our success as they see it (in what? Sailing non-stop? )perhaps confirms to them that they too can hope for something, that they may one day be able to achieve the dreams they have that they think about but don’t ever do. Maybe it keeps a little flicker alive for them. Of course I am sure that there is an alternative….that some people are watching, waiting for it all to go wrong so they can feel confirmed in their thinking that it won’t work – we won’t like sailing, or we won’t keep going. Then they can think that its ok, no one really does that and their own dream can stay safely on the shelf gathering dust and they need not feel like they have failed…..’cos look we tried and it didn’t work! They are secretly happy then, happy that it’s true, they aren’t missing something – even our dream failed. But this idea of us failing is built on a false idea of what it is we are actually doing! And what it is we are dreaming of! You see we don’t feel that our staying in Batemans Bay represents a failure. Or an end to our dreams. Our dream was simply to live on a yacht. To have time for each other and the children and to walk away from stress and get our health back in order. Guess what? Our dreams have become our life! I think that people who wonder what happened to our dream didn’t really know what we were hoping for. We are still circumnavigating. We still plan to sail into the Pacific, to NZ, to Tasmania for the wooden boat festival……just ‘cos we aren’t doing it in some perceived time-frame doesn’t mean that we have abandoned our dreams…..just that we are not performing according to yours! We made a decision to stay here in Batemans Bay because someone needed a house built and we could help. It wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t part of our plan when we arrived but the thing is, this life gives us the capacity to respond to need and to be flexible. This life we have chosen, where we are not struggling with debt, or any kinds of financial burdens, and where we have time every day to do the things that matter to us, this life has given us the opportunity to also be a blessing to others and the family we are building for are deeply blessed. The house is almost at lock-up. Initially we thought this might be enough but deteriorating health means even that isn’t sufficient, so we will stay longer – in fact we will stay until the family are moved in and it really is all over. And – and this is the most important thing – we have no regrets. I remember the day Peter told me he had made this generous offer and I felt my heart sink – I was more than ready to move on already – but watching this family be delighted with their house and knowing how much we have been able to make their dream a reality has soothed my ruffled feathers more than adequately! Have we abandoned our dream? Hardly! I’d say, much more than abandoning it, we have strengthened and clarified it during our stay. We can see now what an amazing opportunity we have to make use of the special skills we have wherever we are. I have done a great deal of writing - got two web-sites up and running, had a number of articles published, a number more accepted for publication, short stories included in anthologies, a large following on my Facebook abuse-support page, and two manuscripts prepared for potential publication. I am living my dream! Doors are opening that I never thought I’d see open and to say I am satisfied and happy would be an understatement! Peter has sailed the Bight three times, Bass Strait three times - from Albany to Batemans Bay as well as from Albany to Sydney and then from Albany to Auckland, NZ. We have both got our marine radio operators licenses and have equipped our boat with things we didn’t even know we needed when we first bought her. When we do leave here to sail further north it will be as better sailors and on a better set-up yacht. Some may see in this some sort of failure, but I’m not sure quite where! I think that rather than having abandoned our dream people need to appreciate that living a dream is like walking through a bush trail. There are times of heavy slogging, times of stopping to look at the view, times of catching up with others on the trail, times of rest, and times where the destination might change…..but they are all part of the journey. The truth is, we gave up a life of 9 – 5 (or rather , a life of 6 -6 for Peter), where the focus was a few hours of relaxation on the weekend and the rest of life simply filled with busy-ness we gave this up for a life of connection, freedom and health on the water……and this is it – we are living it! |
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September 2017
Our life aboard Argos has been seriously challenged this year with the surprise departure of our skipper. As a writer, diesel mechanics and the complexities of many aspects of Argos’ on-going maintenance are way beyond me! We would like to see Argos continue to sail and eventually hope to use her to offer support, encouragement and a break to people who are struggling in their lives. Any on-going help towards maintaining Argos would be greatly appreciated and enable us to achieve this goal.
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