Sailing with children
‘We are going to sail around Australia,’ I explained to my incredulous boss after telling her I was leaving.
Her only question, after she recovered from her surprise, was, ‘But are you taking the children?’
Tell people you are going sailing at the weekend or during the holidays, or even planning to sail later in your life and they think it’s cool. Tell them you are going to live aboard a yacht, travel, see the world and take your children – well that’s a whole other story!
It seems like there is enough to prepare for when it’s just the two of you, but when you add children into that equation, the degree of difficulty rises to what most would likely see as insanity especially when the children in question are in their teens!
So what does it take for the average family to prepare to leave everything and go sailing? Well I’d answer that but first I must be honest and say we are not exactly the average family. Still I will do my best!
My new husband and I along with my three youngest children, are going to start by circumnavigating Australia. Yes, my new husband, and just three of my children. Curious? Well my husband and I have been married just a few months. It’s been a delightful time for us, both having been married previously in pretty unhappy situations, both with children – twelve between us, ranging in age between eleven and twenty seven.
So at fifty, we met, talked a great deal over many coffee’s, fell in love, found in each other something we had never known before, moved in together and then, when we were confident that we were who we thought we were, we married!
Somewhere in there he mentioned looking at sailing boats. Now as a lover of the sea and everything to do with it, I happily joined him despite never having had anything to do with sailing previously.
Soon we were the proud and excited owners of a 33ft yacht and sailing on Lake Macquarie every weekend.
It didn’t take long before we were dreaming about when we would be finished at work, the children all grown, no mortgage to worry about and looking forward to the time when we could live aboard the yacht. Initially we thought this would be something we would do in five to ten years. But we are impatient people and after many weekends of sailing and returning home sad and wishing we could stay, we decided to think about what it would take for us to be able to get going sooner. Late into the nights we talked. We did lots of sums and in the end realised that we mostly needed to work to pay for the house and the car, neither of which we would need if we were sailing. We calculated that after selling the house and car we would have enough to live on, without working, for several years, but that we could easily supplement our income anyway with odd jobs along the way as my husband was a great builder and myself a writer, social worker and barista.
This of course meant though, that instead of sailing by ourselves when the children were off at Uni. or working, that we would be taking those still living at home with us.
We leave in just a few weeks.
So, to any other family, particularly those with older children and teenagers, thinking of pursuing this dream I would make the following suggestions.
Don’t expect the same excitement
Don’t expect everyone to always be as excited as you are. The children are not necessarily going to see this adventure in the same way you do. If you have their respect they will come, but it’s important that you help them to find things in it that interest them. For one of mine it was realising that we could visit an old friend of hers who had moved far away. Different things will enthuse your children. Try to find what that might be.
Consider what they might need
One of the first things we thought about as far as how to make this work for the children was to provide them with their own space. A cabin/ bunk that was completely their own, that was not required in the day time for seating, that was in some way separated from the living area of the yacht. To this end we took the step of selling our 33ft Bermuda rigged sloop as some of the sleeping berths formed the seating in the main cabin. This would not have given the children any capacity for retreat. Instead we looked carefully at the choices around and settled on a particularly well designed 42 ft gaff rigged schooner with centre cockpit and sleeping areas that were separated from each other as well as the living space. In this arrangement each of the children has somewhere they can call their own. Somewhere that can be arranged according to their taste, that they can go to when they need to be by themselves.
We had to consider other factors in yacht selection too, hull construction, safety requirements, sail requirements and the like, however that was my husband’s business. He researched for our overall requirements and then came to me with yacht suggestions for me to assess according to these family necessities.
Let me stress, this was not a decision based on whim, but on an acute understanding of the basic need for space. We will be living in very close quarters for quite some time. The need to have somewhere to call one’s own becomes essential. Add to that an understanding we have of their need to make this space their own. This was clearly expressed just the other day when my thirteen year old daughter, who has a set of pretty lights that hung over her bed at home, asked hesitatingly, ‘Can I bring my lights, mum?’
‘Of course you can. Your lights and other things that will make your cabin feel like home to you’.
Yes, this is important. I knew that for myself, but also as a result of working in crisis housing for homeless families. It’s so important to try to make a place feel like your own, to put your own stamp on it and how much more so for teenagers and younger children who are leaving everything familiar and experiencing such a shift from ‘normal’ life!
Connection
The biggest concern the children had was about leaving their friends. We accept that this is huge and to help them cope with it we decided to equip them with a means to stay connected. We have provided them each with a lap top computer and internet access. This is important for us too to keep in touch, access weather reports, update blogs etc, but for the children – well Facebook is everything. As one of them told me recently, if it’s not on Facebook, it’s not real! Now I might not subscribe to that view, but as it’s so important to them, then as far as I can see it’s a way to help normalise life aboard the yacht for them. And so we have invested in personal lap tops with web cam so they can sail and still talk to their friends. Accepting things that matter to your older children might just be the thing that makes it manageable for them to share in your dream.
Schooling
Of course, internet access will also make schooling more manageable, and there is no doubt that considerations about education is a big issue when sailing, something that might be daunting for many. As a previous advocate and practitioner of home education I didn’t have any qualms. However, I do, this time around, feel it matters for the children to be able to step back into the education system with ease and confidence and to this end have chosen to link the children in with distance education. They will receive weekly work to complete by mail, which is then mailed back. Work can be submitted by email where correspondence is impractical. This seems to me like an easy option, the work comes to us and all the children have to do is read and complete work sheets. It gives them the advantage however of receiving full credit for what they do which will enable them to complete all levels of high school if necessary while we are at sea.
For the parents of younger children I would say there are loads of options. Your children will have so many opportunities for unstructured learning that they will be the richer for – so much more than their classroom-bound peers. They will return full of amazing knowledge. Distance education gives you external accreditation, but consider if you will really need that for your child. You can ‘go it alone’ – take your children out of school for the time you are sailing. You can purchase excellent materials all over the place and over the internet that will keep your children connected to learning. And instead of spending half of each day doing formal work, let them learn from life. If you decide to try to go down this less structured path, try not to fall into the trap of making everything a ‘learning experience’. Nothing takes the enjoyment out of learning more than the forced ‘learning’ that has infiltrated our culture. Curiosity and a capacity to read and explore are the most useful educational tools you can give your children. Then let them go! I have chosen distance education because two of mine are close to year ten and eleven and finishing school. Achieving year ten certification and going on to senior school requires some external connection. Without this I would pretty much let them run free. Check in your state about regulations you might need to comply with. Simply enrolling in distance education should be satisfactory in most places. Have confidence in yourself. Bright children in an environment as thrilling as sailing will learn more than you can imagine. They might not learn all the same things as if they were in a closed classroom but you can be sure they will be learning life lessons all along the way as they participate in this sailing life with you.
I intend to structure my children’s days only as much as necessary. Distance education programs require some structuring of the day, some adherence to a timetable. But it is also important to allow for some flexibility to accommodate weather patterns, storms, arrival in a port etc.
Games and fun
We have also decided to equip them with access to an electronic game system. In past years I would have scoffed at the notion of taking such a thing as a Playstation aboard, but it seems to be as essential to this generation as books were to mine! And so we have succumbed! We will have books as well – plenty of them - but as a tension reliever we accept this as a need! Along with that we will bring soccer balls and tennis racquets for when we are moored near a park, a DVD player and TV – though the children did tell us the Playstation was a DVD player, ‘That’s what makes it so useful mum’, they said, so apparently we’ll have a back-up if the DVD player ever stops working. We will take all our favourite board games - ones we usually only play when we are camping as well as plenty of art and craft supplies.
Preparation
The children are busy, even as I write, sorting their things and packing. Downsizing is a term we have come to love in my home! It’s unbelievable how much we accumulate and how many of the same things we have, some with only the smallest variation! The children are aware that while they will have their own space they won’t have a lot of it! A cupboard instead of a whole wall of cupboards – room to store the clothes and things they need rather than all the extraneous things that end up in the back of the cupboard, relegated to the might be useful one day pile. Instead, as space is so precious, they will have to take only what they will actually need. We have decided to store a few things so that they don’t have to get rid of everything they can’t take. They have been sorting through and deciding if each thing is to come, be stored or is completely unnecessary. This process alone is fantastic for them, allowing them to see for themselves how much junk can accumulate in their lives.
Talk
Lastly, we talk a lot. About places we will go, things we will do. We try and give the children pictures of what life will be like, freedoms they can enjoy, skills they can acquire. We let them express feelings and encourage them to share worries but we try not to indulge their negatives. As I said earlier we don’t necessarily expect them to even begin to grasp what they will get out of this experience and so we don’t want to feed negatives based on false pictures of what life might be like aboard the yacht. Rather we listen, hear what concerns them, acknowledge the concern and discuss how we might address it. In short we accept and then try to help them move past it. We try to be solution based. Where possible we change plans and try to add in things that they ask for. When we have read interesting things, we get them to read the article too. We try to include them as much as possible in our own discussions.
We have explained to the children that there are no passengers on this trip. We are the crew. We will all have roles to play, jobs to do. We will work as a team and together look forward to a wonderful adventure.
© 2013 Susan Parry-Jones
‘We are going to sail around Australia,’ I explained to my incredulous boss after telling her I was leaving.
Her only question, after she recovered from her surprise, was, ‘But are you taking the children?’
Tell people you are going sailing at the weekend or during the holidays, or even planning to sail later in your life and they think it’s cool. Tell them you are going to live aboard a yacht, travel, see the world and take your children – well that’s a whole other story!
It seems like there is enough to prepare for when it’s just the two of you, but when you add children into that equation, the degree of difficulty rises to what most would likely see as insanity especially when the children in question are in their teens!
So what does it take for the average family to prepare to leave everything and go sailing? Well I’d answer that but first I must be honest and say we are not exactly the average family. Still I will do my best!
My new husband and I along with my three youngest children, are going to start by circumnavigating Australia. Yes, my new husband, and just three of my children. Curious? Well my husband and I have been married just a few months. It’s been a delightful time for us, both having been married previously in pretty unhappy situations, both with children – twelve between us, ranging in age between eleven and twenty seven.
So at fifty, we met, talked a great deal over many coffee’s, fell in love, found in each other something we had never known before, moved in together and then, when we were confident that we were who we thought we were, we married!
Somewhere in there he mentioned looking at sailing boats. Now as a lover of the sea and everything to do with it, I happily joined him despite never having had anything to do with sailing previously.
Soon we were the proud and excited owners of a 33ft yacht and sailing on Lake Macquarie every weekend.
It didn’t take long before we were dreaming about when we would be finished at work, the children all grown, no mortgage to worry about and looking forward to the time when we could live aboard the yacht. Initially we thought this would be something we would do in five to ten years. But we are impatient people and after many weekends of sailing and returning home sad and wishing we could stay, we decided to think about what it would take for us to be able to get going sooner. Late into the nights we talked. We did lots of sums and in the end realised that we mostly needed to work to pay for the house and the car, neither of which we would need if we were sailing. We calculated that after selling the house and car we would have enough to live on, without working, for several years, but that we could easily supplement our income anyway with odd jobs along the way as my husband was a great builder and myself a writer, social worker and barista.
This of course meant though, that instead of sailing by ourselves when the children were off at Uni. or working, that we would be taking those still living at home with us.
We leave in just a few weeks.
So, to any other family, particularly those with older children and teenagers, thinking of pursuing this dream I would make the following suggestions.
Don’t expect the same excitement
Don’t expect everyone to always be as excited as you are. The children are not necessarily going to see this adventure in the same way you do. If you have their respect they will come, but it’s important that you help them to find things in it that interest them. For one of mine it was realising that we could visit an old friend of hers who had moved far away. Different things will enthuse your children. Try to find what that might be.
Consider what they might need
One of the first things we thought about as far as how to make this work for the children was to provide them with their own space. A cabin/ bunk that was completely their own, that was not required in the day time for seating, that was in some way separated from the living area of the yacht. To this end we took the step of selling our 33ft Bermuda rigged sloop as some of the sleeping berths formed the seating in the main cabin. This would not have given the children any capacity for retreat. Instead we looked carefully at the choices around and settled on a particularly well designed 42 ft gaff rigged schooner with centre cockpit and sleeping areas that were separated from each other as well as the living space. In this arrangement each of the children has somewhere they can call their own. Somewhere that can be arranged according to their taste, that they can go to when they need to be by themselves.
We had to consider other factors in yacht selection too, hull construction, safety requirements, sail requirements and the like, however that was my husband’s business. He researched for our overall requirements and then came to me with yacht suggestions for me to assess according to these family necessities.
Let me stress, this was not a decision based on whim, but on an acute understanding of the basic need for space. We will be living in very close quarters for quite some time. The need to have somewhere to call one’s own becomes essential. Add to that an understanding we have of their need to make this space their own. This was clearly expressed just the other day when my thirteen year old daughter, who has a set of pretty lights that hung over her bed at home, asked hesitatingly, ‘Can I bring my lights, mum?’
‘Of course you can. Your lights and other things that will make your cabin feel like home to you’.
Yes, this is important. I knew that for myself, but also as a result of working in crisis housing for homeless families. It’s so important to try to make a place feel like your own, to put your own stamp on it and how much more so for teenagers and younger children who are leaving everything familiar and experiencing such a shift from ‘normal’ life!
Connection
The biggest concern the children had was about leaving their friends. We accept that this is huge and to help them cope with it we decided to equip them with a means to stay connected. We have provided them each with a lap top computer and internet access. This is important for us too to keep in touch, access weather reports, update blogs etc, but for the children – well Facebook is everything. As one of them told me recently, if it’s not on Facebook, it’s not real! Now I might not subscribe to that view, but as it’s so important to them, then as far as I can see it’s a way to help normalise life aboard the yacht for them. And so we have invested in personal lap tops with web cam so they can sail and still talk to their friends. Accepting things that matter to your older children might just be the thing that makes it manageable for them to share in your dream.
Schooling
Of course, internet access will also make schooling more manageable, and there is no doubt that considerations about education is a big issue when sailing, something that might be daunting for many. As a previous advocate and practitioner of home education I didn’t have any qualms. However, I do, this time around, feel it matters for the children to be able to step back into the education system with ease and confidence and to this end have chosen to link the children in with distance education. They will receive weekly work to complete by mail, which is then mailed back. Work can be submitted by email where correspondence is impractical. This seems to me like an easy option, the work comes to us and all the children have to do is read and complete work sheets. It gives them the advantage however of receiving full credit for what they do which will enable them to complete all levels of high school if necessary while we are at sea.
For the parents of younger children I would say there are loads of options. Your children will have so many opportunities for unstructured learning that they will be the richer for – so much more than their classroom-bound peers. They will return full of amazing knowledge. Distance education gives you external accreditation, but consider if you will really need that for your child. You can ‘go it alone’ – take your children out of school for the time you are sailing. You can purchase excellent materials all over the place and over the internet that will keep your children connected to learning. And instead of spending half of each day doing formal work, let them learn from life. If you decide to try to go down this less structured path, try not to fall into the trap of making everything a ‘learning experience’. Nothing takes the enjoyment out of learning more than the forced ‘learning’ that has infiltrated our culture. Curiosity and a capacity to read and explore are the most useful educational tools you can give your children. Then let them go! I have chosen distance education because two of mine are close to year ten and eleven and finishing school. Achieving year ten certification and going on to senior school requires some external connection. Without this I would pretty much let them run free. Check in your state about regulations you might need to comply with. Simply enrolling in distance education should be satisfactory in most places. Have confidence in yourself. Bright children in an environment as thrilling as sailing will learn more than you can imagine. They might not learn all the same things as if they were in a closed classroom but you can be sure they will be learning life lessons all along the way as they participate in this sailing life with you.
I intend to structure my children’s days only as much as necessary. Distance education programs require some structuring of the day, some adherence to a timetable. But it is also important to allow for some flexibility to accommodate weather patterns, storms, arrival in a port etc.
Games and fun
We have also decided to equip them with access to an electronic game system. In past years I would have scoffed at the notion of taking such a thing as a Playstation aboard, but it seems to be as essential to this generation as books were to mine! And so we have succumbed! We will have books as well – plenty of them - but as a tension reliever we accept this as a need! Along with that we will bring soccer balls and tennis racquets for when we are moored near a park, a DVD player and TV – though the children did tell us the Playstation was a DVD player, ‘That’s what makes it so useful mum’, they said, so apparently we’ll have a back-up if the DVD player ever stops working. We will take all our favourite board games - ones we usually only play when we are camping as well as plenty of art and craft supplies.
Preparation
The children are busy, even as I write, sorting their things and packing. Downsizing is a term we have come to love in my home! It’s unbelievable how much we accumulate and how many of the same things we have, some with only the smallest variation! The children are aware that while they will have their own space they won’t have a lot of it! A cupboard instead of a whole wall of cupboards – room to store the clothes and things they need rather than all the extraneous things that end up in the back of the cupboard, relegated to the might be useful one day pile. Instead, as space is so precious, they will have to take only what they will actually need. We have decided to store a few things so that they don’t have to get rid of everything they can’t take. They have been sorting through and deciding if each thing is to come, be stored or is completely unnecessary. This process alone is fantastic for them, allowing them to see for themselves how much junk can accumulate in their lives.
Talk
Lastly, we talk a lot. About places we will go, things we will do. We try and give the children pictures of what life will be like, freedoms they can enjoy, skills they can acquire. We let them express feelings and encourage them to share worries but we try not to indulge their negatives. As I said earlier we don’t necessarily expect them to even begin to grasp what they will get out of this experience and so we don’t want to feed negatives based on false pictures of what life might be like aboard the yacht. Rather we listen, hear what concerns them, acknowledge the concern and discuss how we might address it. In short we accept and then try to help them move past it. We try to be solution based. Where possible we change plans and try to add in things that they ask for. When we have read interesting things, we get them to read the article too. We try to include them as much as possible in our own discussions.
We have explained to the children that there are no passengers on this trip. We are the crew. We will all have roles to play, jobs to do. We will work as a team and together look forward to a wonderful adventure.
© 2013 Susan Parry-Jones