3/22/2015 3 Comments Our First Month It was one month this last week.
One month since the unthinkable happened. One month and so much has come into our lives that we could never have imagined or considered would happen – they call it the ripple effect – small acts of kindness that ripple their love and care from the giver to us and through us out to others. This year, instead of making a New Year’s resolution – which are always fraught and doomed to fail – I set a theme for the year – and the theme I set – without having a clue what this year would bring was Kindness. I imagined lots of ways that I might grow and develop kindness in my life and in the lives of those around me, but I never imagined Kindness developing in the way it has. Life is so often like that isn’t it? Just days before my husband left I had been writing about Kindness on my other page (Miles Away From Abuse) and had been suggesting the idea of starting the Kindfullness movement – being those who don’t just do random acts of kindness now and then, but becoming those for whom kindness is a continual flowing thing – something that so fills us that it is constantly overflowing out from us. It was ironic that so soon after writing that such a powerful act of unkindness should have dominated my life. But from that day on kindness has rippled through so strongly I cannot fail to see how through it all the very thing I wanted to see more of in my lie has come my way. In the last week we have sat quietly at anchor in Bums Bay – near Sea World on the Southport Broadwater. We have to wait here a bit until the marine mechanic has finished working on the engine, which might be a week or two or even more but we don’t mind – we are taking this time to keep working on jobs on board and to regroup and plan and just get ourselves settled and together. While we are here I will also be working on completing the manuscript I was offered a publishing contract for just a few weeks before The Leaving. So let me tell you about the kindnesses we have known in the last week – of course I told you already about the amazing people at The Boatworks and all the help we have had there, but even since then there has been so much. We have been touched by many friends – old and new - supporting us with financial gifts, by a couple of people who have offered to come sailing with us to lend a hand and teach us (thanks so much Michael McFie and Paul Dupree) and just yesterday I spoke with a lovely boat builder who has very kindly donated a few days of his time to come down and help us fix essential things onboard – like our rotting running boards and replacing out non existent anchor light. We have made many new friends and been helped in a myriad of little ways, been shown kindness and shown kindness in return. In the strangest of ways our whole life has truly become dominated by the very thing I set out for it to – so unexpectedly! They say you should be careful what you wish for – and I must say that while I would rather have not gone through this painful desertion, from it so much good has come into our lives. The children have risen hugely to the challenge of doing things that we once would have left to someone more skilled, and we have all taken on new skills, learned new things and grown immensely. I even got my marine driving license the other day so that I have new competencies and skills in boat handling myself! Each day we try new things – learn new things and surprise ourselves with what we can do! There are still those inevitable moments where fear creeps in – like when the wind really blows and I worry about the anchor holding – or I go to start the engine and get nothing – but I am learning to breathe, slow down, think (have a cup of tea even!) and then act rather than panic and feed the fear. Each day it gets a little easier and I must say that in many ways I am actually beginning to enjoy my new role as Mrs Argos.
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3/13/2015 4 Comments Hauling out Argos! Our first major jobs are done – Argos has been on the hard stand for 6 days and is now back in the water, clean, painted outside and lots of important things fixed.
We are anchored near South Stradbroke Island, close to friends and really beginning to feel like the events that occurred three weeks ago were more like a car crash than a life-threatening illness! Our time on the hardstand was physically very taxing – but I think exactly what we needed. There was so much to do and it was literally impossible to dwell on sadness when we were needing to work so very hard! We have had the most positive experience with the place we were hauled out and the people associated with them. The BoatWorks at Coomera has really been the most amazing place – unimaginably good for us. We contacted them and while they were fully booked, they offered us a wait-listed spot. We went up to anchor nearby so that if a cancellation occurred we would be at hand to go in. That was an excellent plan – and we were hauled out two days after dropping the anchor! I had let the boatyard manager, Shane, know that I had no experience driving the boat and would very much like a hand driving her in to the slipway and he put me on to a man who quickly became our best friend ever – Iain at Everything Marine. Iain came on board and we talked about what needed to be done to prepare the boat to be lifted – and we told him a little of what had been happening for us. The next day when we were ready to be hauled out, Iain came aboard with his work partner, Greg, and very easily reversed Argos into the slipway – while remarking how very well she handled! It seems everyone who drives Argos lately feels that she handles well and that I will be very able to drive her! So we were in – the slings were dropped and Argos was lifted from the water. I was worried that she would be filthy but she was actually not in too bad a way as far as slime and marine growth were concerned, and Shane then did a high-pressure clean. He told me he had done a ‘man job’ for me so that it would be easier for the kids and I to get her clean. We knew even then that we had chosen the best place to come out of the water! We spent 6 days on the hard stand. Our first afternoon we began the scraping. We had some areas of damage in the hull – down very low – across the bottom - that we expected would need filling, but I had no idea what you might fill them with, so I was thinking I should maybe call our new friend Iain, but at the end of that first afternoon he called by to see how we were getting along – how kind! He took a look at the damage and said he would call a friend who he would get to come and take a look and advise me. Day 2 early in the morning we met our next new best friend – the lovely Joel from Affordable Antifoul Solutions. Joel came to examine the hull damage and offer suggestions. He took a look at the holes and then said, ‘Don’t worry about any of that, I will send one of my boys along on Monday morning, he will fill it and then come back and prepare it to be painted.’ I had been worried, I mean what if the holes had caused us to sink? What if I didn’t fix them well enough! It was a huge relief to get that assistance. At whatever price it would be. But Joel didn’t stop there. He knew that we were doing this job for the first time by ourselves and he spent the best part of an hour with us, showing us the best ways to do things, lending us better tools than we had, and then went to the on-site marine supplies shop (run by the very helpful John) and put the primer, best quality tape for masking off the areas to be antifouled, the best sized rollers and other bits that would make our work more efficient, on his trade account for us – how incredibly kind – all we had to do was go and pay and collect them! Joel showed us how to scrape, wet sand and then scrape again to get the best results and it was interesting to have so many people remark on how obviously we had done this job before as we knew exactly what to do! Yes, we did – but because of Joel’s efforts! Iain called by again to see how we were getting along – and indeed continued to do so each day we were there – it was awesome to have him care and be interested and be able to consult him about other jobs we had to attend to. One of those other jobs of course was the rudder which had been damaged years ago when we were crossing the Bight in those huge seas, and the self-steering which was attached to the top of the rudder had been ripped off. We had tried several times to repair the damage in the water but it was never enough and the rudder was badly in need of some proper attention. It was in this that Iain showed us the calibre of person he is – he consulted with us and said the work would not be hard – would take a couple of days and that it would ‘only’ cost around $1000. I sighed and said I just couldn’t find that much and was there any alternative. This man had only just met us, but I don’t know, he must have been touched by our situation. He got us to do as much as we could ourselves, which was really only the taking it off part – which Michael and Liam managed with the help of a couple of hefty fellas at the moment when the last bolt came out. Then Iain came and collected it and returned it to us fixed. Like really fixed. Way beyond what I knew I could afford. I asked Iain for the invoice and he smiled and waved me off and said it had been his pleasure. I sometimes wonder how it is that we stumble across people like this – and it is definitely at times like this that I know we are not really doing all of this alone! In then end Iain allowed me to buy some cartons of beer for the guys as all the thanks they needed – but wow – what a man and what a business! And each day we continued to paint, prime, anti-foul and then paint the above-the-waterline parts of the hull. Erina fixed parts of Mara that had been damaged when we were caught in a sudden storm over a year ago in Port Stephens, and Liam and Michael wrestled our old holding tank out of the bathroom wall so that we can instead, later, install another fresh water tank. That’s when we were introduced to Per at Kingfisher Cruisers – a shipwright who helped Liam with the through hull fittings that were no longer in use and needed to be secured and a troublesome anode that would not screw back in! Another fine and decent man! On day 5 our marine mechanic came by with what must have been a gold-plated pump for the engine, judging by its price tag! That was fitted and he took apart the heat exchange and found it to be full of seaweed and almost completely blocked. That’s our next job but luckily can be done with the boat in the water so it would not delay us going back in. That evening Erina and I could be seen painting by torchlight and iPhone light to ensure things were dry before we were to go back into the water! It must have been quite a sight! By day 6 we were feeling pretty tired but so happy to have got it all finished in time to go back into the water, having achieved everything we set out to – all clean, all painted, all repaired and so so much better than before. We were treated to morning tea and then lunch by the lovely people at The BoatWorks, while they got the boat ready to be lifted, and as we sat and relaxed in the on-site café we could only think how very fortunate we were to have made the decision to haul Argos out. Because apart from all the work – which was a lot – we all got a closer connection to her – we touched every part of the hull, became so much more familiar with things. Liam so impressed me when Iain told me we needed to find the anode bolt inside the bilge beneath the engine and I felt like that would be impossible, but Liam went inside and came back having found it! Little things like Erina’s awesome work on Mara and the boys helping remove the not-so-pleasant old holding tank – we did all these jobs by ourselves and became more acquainted with our boat. We took more ownership of her. It was also excellent therapy to be so busy! There wasn’t time to wallow in any self-pity while we were putting in 12 hour days painting! It was the best thing we could have done. But we definitely chose the best place to do it. I would recommend The Boatworks to anyone wanting to haul out a boat. It is an excellent price, so clean and everyone was always so willing to help. From being directed to tools and materials, to getting advice. To people pitching in and grabbing a rudder to help the boys, to the boat yard workers always helping with bringing us ladders and showing us things – it was just superb. No one ever made us feel stupid because we didn’t know how things were done, and to boot there are showers that are cleaned daily, two laundries each with a really good washing machine and dryer that are free for you to use, and two courtesy vehicles. When we left we felt like we were leaving our home! And then the next part of our adventure began with me driving Argos out unassisted! Yes, all by myself! We motored down the Coomera river to the Broadwater and dropped anchor alongside friends Robin and Annie from The Joshua C Tallship and Michael and Karen from Cynergy who we met at Lady Musgrave Island, who had come to visit us while we were at The Boatworks. We had left our temporary home but arrived at a new one and it was lovely to have Michael immediately hop in his dinghy to check we were anchored ok! It has been a hard thing to be left with the boat and so little knowledge of her mechanical systems, (not to mention dealing with the whole emotional elements of being left) but we have come away from our time on the hard stand very aware that if we need help, or advice or input, it will be available. I am so glad I have learned in my life to not feel a lack of knowledge is a shameful thing, and to ask is always reasonable. I have been blown away with how kind people can be and despite the losses we have suffered, we are all feeling buoyant, a bit scared of handling tricky things, but confident that we made the right choice to stay with the boat. 3/2/2015 0 Comments My first week as Mrs Argos We are up to day 13.
I can’t believe that just on 2 weeks ago I thought things were smooth and our plans for the next year formed. It’s hard to believe that in the blink of an eye all that could change. It has been thirteen days of…..well everything really. Sadness, grief, anxiety about the weather, sorrow about what happened and why, worries for the future, worries for our immediate safety. There have been moments in those days when I have felt so overwhelmed I could barely breathe, nights and nights of sleeplessness despite my every effort – and then also moments when I felt so thankful for the support and kindness I have been abundantly blessed with that the hard moments have literally faded into the shadows. Many people over the past weeks have been surprised that we are so keen on staying with Argos. It’s a funny thing really, because I never really chose this life. When I met Peter he had this whole big story of longing to sail, loving boats and always wishing that he had the opportunity to get out and see what was beyond the horizon. Turns out it might not have been the physical horizon he was gazing at. But the thing is, when he talked so passionately about these desires it gave me such deep pleasure to say ‘Lets buy a boat’! I was with him every step of the way, only too happy to please him and allow him to fulfil his dreams even though it meant saying goodbye to the house I loved, my older children that I would sorely miss and the life that I had made for myself in Canberra. I believed that I was building a better life with someone who loved me and while living on a boat would never have been my first preference, through it I have been able to realise several of my own dreams. I have been published in magazines, had a couple of short stories published and just got a contract to publish my first book about my own passion - recovery from abuse. I have long had an affinity with the ocean, since my earliest days when the beach was where I went to find solace when my body and heart were so hurt at home, and while I may never have thought of living on a boat, I have loved this opportunity to live so close to the water. While we may never have made the decision to buy a boat and live on it had it not been for Peter, we have learned so much about sailing and formed such an affinity with this sailing life in the last 3 ½ years that the children and I struggled to understand how we could live any other way. And so we decided to stay. We decided to figure out a way to hold on to Argos, to figure out how to sail her and manage her on our own, and to figure out a way to move forwards and not sink into the mire of despair. In this last thirteen days we have gone from being victims of a horrible betrayal and abandonment to being a little group of would-be sailors, ready to try our hands at doing this ourselves. Our mantra has become – with no disrespect intended to Peter who was and remains one of the most capable men I have ever met – ‘Anything you can do we can do better!’ We are a mighty little team, complementing each other’s strengths and weaknesses and while we have a lot to learn we know this one thing for sure – we are very good at asking questions and are not afraid to say we don’t know something. Hope Harbour Marina has been exactly what we needed. The relief we felt when we were stopped and tied up securely was palpable. We are moored near the Hope Harbour Marine shop and Marina’s Edge Boat Brokerage. Terry and Lois, who run this business have been exceptional. Supportive, helpful, kind and knowledgeable. They put us on to Stuart from Gold Coast Mobile Marine who has been so helpful and got us close to moving again, hopefully completely by tomorrow when we are due to leave! He has assessed what else needs to be done to the engine and what sort of time frame I will need to get this work done in. He believes the maintenance on the engine has been sorely lacking but with a bit of time, effort and funds, we will have a much healthier boat. Our immediate plans are to get the boat hauled out so we can clean the hull and re-antifoul – we have a stand-by booking at The Boat Works in Coomera, one of the best places we have ever come across to lift Argos out. We are not yet sure exactly when we will get this done, but soon we hope. Hope Harbour has been exactly what we needed. I knew that our most basic necessity was to just be somewhere safe to collect our thoughts – to eat and sleep and not be anxious about the weather and it has been fully that. It was such a good call. In addition to that, my son Michael has come up to support us and lend us a hand. He started out with us in Albany but did not stay long – having him come to be with us has been an unexpected blessing. He is a funny boy and provided us with something I hadn’t expected – a lot of laughter. In particular the children have benefited from the opportunity to relax and play. We have been incredibly blessed at the loving support of the many people who have called or messaged and offered their care during this very difficult time, and due to the crowd funding we have set up, the extra money needed to get Argos slipped and the engine repaired is slowly trickling in. How incredibly amazing is that? We have had our first lessons in maintenance and done a few jobs while we have been here –cleaning up after the deluge of rain that cyclone Marcia dropped on us, cleaning the deck, the dinghis and fixing a few things here and there but our priority has really been getting ourselves into a more reasonable head space. We are slowly coming to grips with what our new life is going to look like. Actually it’s not all bad. We work well together, we are calm and not given to stressing out, can handle a lot more than we probably think we can and are not at all good at giving up! Thank you so much for your awesome support. We really could not be doing this without your encouragement and practical help! You can access the Save Argos fund at http://www.youcaring.com/other/save-argos/312099 |
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September 2017
Our life aboard Argos has been seriously challenged this year with the surprise departure of our skipper. As a writer, diesel mechanics and the complexities of many aspects of Argos’ on-going maintenance are way beyond me! We would like to see Argos continue to sail and eventually hope to use her to offer support, encouragement and a break to people who are struggling in their lives. Any on-going help towards maintaining Argos would be greatly appreciated and enable us to achieve this goal.
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